That day I stood there, I watched you turn your back at me and leave, when you looked back.. I held back my tears and smiled at you, waving....
But I shouldn’t
I wanted to run behind you, and grab your leg at knee height like a 9 year old child grabbing her mum’s skirt so they never break apart... tapping my feet to the ground if that’s the cost of stopping you, making you reconsider. I wanted to stay there, holding you, hugging you, feeling you, and with tears flooding out, heart thundering inside me I’d ask you to stay, just this time, just for a bit, just for me
But I didn’t...and you’re gone, I lost you, I miss you and I grieve...
And I weep, listening to the yearning of my scattered heart, sound of which is muffled down by nothing else but my very own pride and deception, weakness and ...defeat.

Defeated...that’s what I am even though I never fought enough for you, I never tried too hard or held too tight...I’m “playing it cool” ..Too cool for my own good..
Defeated by my own crazy thoughts and stupid ideas that got me nowhere..perhaps
Or perhaps..You’ll be back.. You’ll miss my proud attitude, my soft words, the vain ME that you seemed to like so much
and now, like a lonely spirit wandering around in a dimly lit wood, with only the cries of wolfs keeping me company I roam the roads we’ve been to, seems like you’re still there, I live all those moments again, just wishing u were here...i can still smell you, your perfume on my sleeve after our hugs.. I can still hear you, that resounding laugh I love.. just like you’re still here
How I wish...